I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
