If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
