Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Ketchup is God's man juice
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
