she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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