it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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