I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
