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so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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