Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
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Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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