And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
