Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
