i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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