mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
