I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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