and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
