im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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