twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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