What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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