Walk of Shame. In a state park.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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