I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i think i have herpe
just one?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
