I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
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i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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