Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
