ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
