its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
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The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
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I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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