Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
