You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
