i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
