U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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