Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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