32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
