I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
