You don't have asthma, your pregnant
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
