Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
