I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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