Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
