I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Randomize
