Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
