i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
