Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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