well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My vagina just clenched in fear
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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