idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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