Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I cut my penus on the lid.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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