they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I can't turn off my feet"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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