We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
