their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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