how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
