Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
