well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
