Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
