my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
