shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
