Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
