how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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