$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
