Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I think people are normalizing furries
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
