I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
