she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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