How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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