Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
