Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
