SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
