Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
