i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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