Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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