Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
