I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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