I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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