I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
