He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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