Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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