He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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