We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
