She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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