I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
